Oh boy, how I would love for this to not be the title of my birth prep story, but what can you do! About two weeks before Elliot came Earthside, I picked the day we would meet him. This post is focused on how I prepared for myself, and there will be a separate post for how to prepare for a newborn.
Preparing Mentally for a Cesarean
Sweet, stubborn Elliot was breech from 32 weeks on, and after an unsuccessful External Cephalic Version I knew I was going to have a cesarean. Mentally, this was challenging for me. I talked a lot with my doula about this shift and she was incredibly supportive during this process. After sharing with her how disappointed I was, I added the caveat that I knew the only important thing was a healthy mom and healthy baby. She corrected me: “I actually hate it when people say the only thing that matters is a healthy baby and healthy mom. I do think that the experience of bringing your baby into the world matters. I think it’s totally valid to mourn the loss of an experience you were dreaming of… But I also think that it can still be a beautiful experience, just a different one than you envisioned.” It was just the permission I needed to *feel* my disappointment AND be grateful for my healthy baby.
Fortunately, having a scheduled cesarean gave me the time to process the experience beforehand. Most of my pregnancy I surrounded myself with research and media around “natural” pregnancies and births, and despite their best efforts, the information around cesareans comes off as judgmental. I felt the information from these sources was “c-sections happen when women don’t have a doula, when doctors and hospitals force it, when women don’t advocate for themselves!”
For weeks I felt like I had failed – failed at flipping my baby, failed at being active enough or trying enough interventions, failed at finding a midwife who would vaginally deliver my breech baby, failed at doing what’s best (most “natural”) for my baby. To counter this negative self talk, I had to surround myself with stories from women who had cesareans. I had to hear about their beautiful, happy babies. About how their babies breastfed just fine, and that their bonds with their babies were perfect. I started hearing from more women that they had cesareans, and just knowing that I wasn’t alone was so helpful.
The Instagram account Expecting and Empowered (@expectingandempowered) was especially helpful to me during this time. One of the owners of the company is a three time cesarean mama and a women’s physical therapist, and her practical, nonjudgmental tips and tricks were so helpful. Included are in-hospital tips as well as how to take care of your body when you get home. Highly recommend checking them out both before and after a cesarean!
Advocating for a Gentle Cesarean
One of the things I was most sad about regarding a cesarean was feeling like I couldn’t have that immediate after birth experience that I had been dreaming about: I saw myself reaching for my baby and holding him on my chest as soon as he came out, and knew that wouldn’t be an option. When natural birth advocates write about cesareans, they often advocate for “gentle” or “family focused” cesareans. The goal of a gentle cesarean is to create a more “birth” like atmosphere as opposed to a “surgical” one. It’s a really hard balance to make, and my behemoth of a birth story can confirm that.
From the Mama Natural website, “A gentle cesarean (sometimes called a family centered birth) includes many features, but its overall purpose is to invoke a peaceful, calm atmosphere that closely mimics what happens during and immediately after a natural childbirth.” Check out the article for a list of many of the accommodations that can be requested.
I talked about these options with the OB before my birth. I was very lucky that our hospital did many of these things as common practice, like lowering the drape so I could see him right away and skin-to-skin in the operating room. I was denied a couple of requests such as delayed cord clamping and having the baby placed immediately on my chest before being weighed and cleaned. At the time, I was experiencing decision fatigue from the last month and felt like I needed to surrender to the process a little bit. It was the right decision for me at the time, but knowing what I know now, I might advocate a little harder next time.
Even if you don’t have a scheduled cesarean, I recommend reading through the gentle cesarean list and including a few of the options on your birth plan in case one becomes necessary.
Preparing for Mama Care After
This one’s easy: ACCEPT HELP. Plan for help. Plan to be sitting in the same spot for awhile. Text your mom, mother-in-law, sisters, friends and see if they’re able to come for a day when your partner goes back to work. We were lucky that Cam took two weeks off from work after the baby was born, but I still needed support after that, both physically and emotionally because it’s scary being the only one in charge of a small human! People want to help in those first few weeks, so take advantage of it!
Leading up to delivery day, I did some grocery shopping for microwave dinners we could heat up quickly and snacks to have at home. I had dreams of preparing lots of crockpot meals for myself, but we’re more of a send-Cam-to-get-Chipotle family. I also stocked up on toilet paper and paper towels for some reason.
I recommend buying a few different options of feminine care products for after! Even after a cesarean there will be bleeding, and interestingly enough I bled a little longer than some vaginal birth friends, so I don’t think it makes a difference! First off, buy a pack of Depends. I didn’t, but definitely will for any future babies, especially if I have another cesarean. I stole a few extra pairs of disposable underwear from the hospital, but I wanted a full two weeks of them for my scar. I recommend some heavy duty pads, but also buy a pack of some “lighter days” pads. There were a good chunk of days that I bled heavily, but most of the time I could get away with something lighter, and then only needed panty liners for weeks after. I didn’t like wearing big chunky pads if they weren’t needed, so the options were helpful for me.
If you are faint of heart, skip this paragraph 😉 Despite not having any labor or a vaginal birth, I found that my pelvic floor and lady bits were still affected after the birth. Obviously my experience was very different, so I was surprised! The peri bottle was very helpful, and if the hospital doesn’t give you stool softeners, GET STOOL SOFTENERS. That first post-cesarean poop was unreal after being on pain medication for days. I recently saw advice to try to poop every day after the birth even if you don’t feel like it and even if nothing comes out. I will definitely try that next time, because – pardon the pun – that shit was intense.
Book Recommendation
I loved the book “Nurture: A Modern Guide to Pregnancy, Birth, Early Motherhood” by Erica Chidi Cohen. You can tell she’s a natural woman at heart, but it was the only book I read that was not judgmental at all about a cesarean. The book was great throughout the pregnancy, but I adored it for its suggestions and product recommendations for early postpartum. I read it obsessively in those early days of mamahood too, and always felt supported by her.
Mama Ensch 